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Am I a neighbour from hell?

November 9, 2011

Well, after putting the accidental attempt to kill a neighbour by getting them to pull out in front of an accelerating bus behind me, i thought that i could and should start putting myself out there a bit.  And so, have been getting to know Advolly, our lovely garden historian neighbour with the teenage babysitter, i mean daughter…but first ‘date’ could not have gone worse.  Twas last Friday, the day after a night out where i’d thought that i was remarkably sober at the end of the night, however when i’d woken up on Friday morning my head said otherwise.  And i’d had to wake up very early in order to catch the train back up, and could not face any food whatsoever, so by the time i got home i was not feeling my best.  Of course, when we made the arrangement for her to pop round in the afternoon for coffee it hadn’t occurred to me just how rough i might be feeling.  So, the scene is set: i am sweating like Berlosconi in a sorority dorm (a beautiful and endearing hangover side-affect), as the door rings the Hat’s just exploded in her nappy and our little universe is demanding that he too needs to do a no2, NOW.  I welcome her in with open arms…and rather than being greeted by a picture of calm and the beautiful aroma of baking, well…  So, after regaining the kids composure we sit down to tea/coffee and all is going well, considering there’s a demanding toddler in the room, but we’re covering some interesting neighbourly gossip and apart from the perspiration am enjoying myself.  I should mention at this point that our wonderful stunted fedora has just passed a ‘developmental milestone’, and is now sitting up, which is all she wants to do now.  However, on Friday i had not fully appreciated her will and we still had her in the Stokke cradle attachment, which forces one to lie back.  Half-way through our drinks as i was up getting some more snax for the toddler sized dustbin she literally made a leap for freedom and threw herself, headfirst, off the 3foot high-chair.  My god.  If i hadn’t been sweating before hand, i was now.  There was that awful silent scream, that went on seemingly forever, before at last an angry and long wail emerged.  It was close, she could have caught herself on the corner of the table at any point in her fall, and in the end i think that i was shaking far more than she was.  Needless to say, she’s strapped in to the normal high-chair now, i got the message, no more ‘baby’ seats for her.  Advolly, however, started to ask to leave at this point.  She was ever so polite, dressing it up in ‘you look ever so busy’ etc etc, and after the 3rd time of saying ‘no no, all is totally fine’ (whilst sweating, whilst being pulled to make a train track and checking to make sure the baby wasn’t concussed, though i assumed that loud wailing was a good sign that all was fine) i relented.

I left it until today to speak to her again, hoping that the extended weekend break would be sufficient to test whether i’d totally blown it or not…she did pop round again, and with no1 child at nursery it was a bit more relaxed and we did get some good chats in.  Gutted that we were round ours again though (was waiting in for amazon) as the house that she lives in is fantastic.  It’s a victorian nut-house, well not quite, but looks like something out of Nightmare on Elm St.  Built for twin sisters there’s two houses in one MASSIVE mansion (each 7 beds), and am v keen to have a good butchers.  The one furthest away is for sale, and it has crossed my mind to take a viewing, but that would just be odd and perhaps a bit rude, so i’ll just have to wait until i’m invited.  Fingers crossed…is all very odd this making new friends thing.

One Comment leave one →
  1. November 10, 2011 11:52 am

    oh dear Rosie, your immersion in matters fecal does strike happy bells of memory. Up the back and in the hair (how does that happen?), down the socks. My most prominent memory was with a dear friend and her toddler daughter. We were walking round Sissinghurst or some similar awfully nice NT garden, and Lily said, “I’m going to have a poo now”, and did, in the path in front of everyone.

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