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July 16, 2012

Oh so much to tell, have been ill.  The hat (will blame it on her, though tbh could just as easily have been no1 child) bought home some horrific cold, that’s sill malingering a week on…but first, the embarrassing story of how we have been tried at the court of neighbourly-ness, and found wanting.

When we first moved in, before we’d managed to get round to sorting out broadband, we used ‘SOLVA’ (to solva the problem eh?!), that was brilliant.  Though only really worked in the kitchen.  It didn’t take a genius to work out that it was probably our neighbours’ Paul and Advolly’s connection.  But, we strived hard to ignore this.  Then got our own broadband.  Which, for the record is SHIT (Orange, you know who you are).  It works (sometimes) everywhere, apart from the kitchen.  Apparently it’s too much of a struggle for it to get through the glass???  We’ve moved the oodjamaflip all around the house, but to no avail.  And so, we continued to use Solva in the kitchen.  And then Solva disappeared.  But no problem, as NETGEAR appeared to replace it.  By this point, we’d totally forgotten that perhaps we should find out who this person was, and have been using with impunity.

Fast forward to yesterday.  Just as i’m getting ready to do a last minute dash to hell (more commonly known as Toysrus) in order to buy a birthday present for a party for no1 child (that he has to attend 30mins later), Paul knocks on the door.  Wants to know if we own a macbook.  A macbook sounds proper posh, and not what i connect with the mac that i write on everyday (mainly cos despite knowing somewhere that it is the broadband that makes the computer shit, i still really blame the computer), but in the back of my head is a big nagging thought – he’s here about the broadband.  And that is us.  And so, we get to the nub of his enquiries, and sure enough, they are NETGEAR, and he has been monitoring our usage of his broadband since we moved in, or as he put it, since ‘Adam’s iPhone’ started appearing on his log.

Obvs i was more than embarrassed.  So literally ran away.  Toysrus became a secondary mission.  Of primary import was wine, as a consolatory offering.  Ran into Sainsbury’s with no1 child wailing about Toysrus, grabbed a couple of bottles of the first red wine that was discounted from a good height (times are tough people) and ran to hell to complete the second part of the mission.

(the shame, i hate buying anything from the branded-extension arm of children’s TV, but needs must, it was a last minute decision to go to this party, as we were supposed to be elsewhere (soz Uncle Peter), and there’d been no time to go into town, managed to get a Jenga game, about as un-plastic and as un-branded as i could muster within the confines of that gaudy hades)

So, got home, and as Adam got to work wrapping the present, writing the card and generally prepping no1 child to be presentable, i dashed round to next door with my shame offering.  Repeatedly saying “it’s just that the computers choose to go onto your network in the kitchen, they prefer yours, and i can’t do anything about it” like some kind of demented simpleton, bowing in shame, with the wine held aloft in front of me, i tried to make up for 9 months of unashamed theft.  Then ran, thank god for no1 child’s social diary.

However, the party was not a ‘dump and run’ kind, and so i didn’t get back home for a few more hours, after the shops had shut (Sunday shopping hours people – they’re alive and well in the bloody country).  Finally had a chance to explain all to Adam, and as i was getting to the end of our shameful story, and my attempts to make peace, he reminded me that the wine that i proffered was the kind of wine that they dislike immensely.  And i knew this.  Somewhere.

And thus, the shame continues to waft over us.  Though we’re still using Netgear in the kitchen.  He said it was ok.  Honest.


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