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Jamie Oliver’s got a lot to answer for…

September 5, 2012

Could he be anymore excited?!

And so, off he went, turned up trousers still a tincy bit too long (of course, i forgot to account for his lack of hips, and them therefore sliding, almost instantly down to his arse, despite being pulled to the tightest they can be – at least his shirts are so big, and tucked in, that you can’t actually see his bum, which is, as we all well know, almost constantly on display despite my best intentions).  Not a tear was shed, ne’er a thought for me, far too excited was he to be in the classroom and playing again with his friends and new toys.  Although i supposed that i was going to be quite stony-faced about the whole affair, once i was there, and with all the emotion cascading off the other mums, i did feel a bit teary, and certainly a little lost when i got back in.  Luckily the glazier arrived to look at our steamy window almost instantly and so i could dwell upon it no more, being somewhat forced back into mundanity (is that even a word???  Spell check happy with it, so i’ll go with it).

And then, the morning was over all too quickly, and off back down to school i went, to each lunch with him.  I was actually really looking forward to his school dinner.  The sample cakes that we’d had on the half-day inductions had been somewhat delicious, and that, combined with images of Jamie Oliver inspired dinner ladies, had somewhat heightened my expectations of what school dinners were like nowadays.  On the menu was a roast, and a variety of pudding options.  Brilliant i thought as i paid my fiver.  And real plates for the parents too!  Obvs, comedy slop trays for the kids, but at least they can carry it all on there.  Roast pork it was.  Not my favourite at the best of times.  And this was surely the worst of times.  As they dished it out, i felt a sinking deja vu, it didn’t look that much different from when i was at school, except the meat did look a bit thicker.  In my day all ‘roast meet’, be it chicken, lamb, port or beef came in a thick gravy, and wafer-thin strips – indistinguishable from one another in anything but name.  For pudding wee man chose the chocolate cake, and i opted for what i thought was a biscuit and yogurt, though only in fact got the biscuit (would’ve preferred to have only got the yogurt).  As we sat to eat, and i put the first bit to my lips, i realised that it tasted just exactly as i remembered it.  But worse.  I genuinely started to gag.  But silently.  I had to set a good example.  The veg was actually alright, not cooked to moosh, but sadly (stupidly) in my excitement at the beginning had asked for gravy, and so it too was tainted with an awful memory of a thousand school dinners.  I ate tiny mouthfuls.  Smiling and encouraging my beautiful boy to eat up.  I gave up, and came up with the excuse that i’d already eaten, which he seemed to buy.  He ate quite a bit of his, but had had the foresight not to bother with the gravy, so the veg and meat was possibly passable on its own.  Pudding went down a treat.  With him.  For me, the biscuit tasted like it had been made with salt rather than sugar.  I tried to get him to eat some, but he wasn’t game.  He’s not stupid my boy.  And so we left.  He with a bounce to his step, having enjoyed every minute of his school experience, me with a leaden pace, knowing that next week i shall be sending him back in for more of this gloopy punishment.  Ah well, if he starts protesting i’ll start making pack lunches i guess.  Am going to be keenly listening to the other mums’ stories of Thursday and Friday’s food.  Maybe it was just an off day.  Hopefully tomorrow’s pasta will be better.  And Friday’s fish and chips…here’s hoping.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 6, 2012 2:58 am

    Sounds like Cosmo liked his lunch but, all the same, that was a wonderful bit of transference on the food front on your part 😉
    But I presume the parents having to eat school lunch is just a one-off first day of school thing? Or has the UK become the ultimate Nanny State where there is no escape EVER from the lunch ladies? Love the 1st day of school photo and that so so sincere smile – too cute for school for sure.

    • September 6, 2012 8:26 am

      Ha ha! Thank the lord, is just a one-off to get them acclimatised…funny how you’re instantly infantilised when back at school, found myself cowering and apologising profusely to the dinner lady as she came round to check!!! But don’t think they’re cut of the same cloth anymore, she was really nice and not forcing anyone to eat…! X

      Sent from my iPhone

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